Retrieval and Thoughts from my Journal

"For we do not have a hight priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just was we are--yet was without sin. Let us approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:15-16

"During the days of Jesus' life on earth, he offered up prayers and petitions with loud cries and tears to the one who could save him from death, and he was heard because of his reverent submission." Hebrews 5:7

I find it interesting that God is so intune with our lives. How amazing is it to think that He truly does want to walk right next to us?! He provides exactly what we need to hear, exactly when we need to hear it. He cares, deeply, about little ol' me.

The above verses are from our Bible Study this week. I definitely needed to hear that He, my God, sympathizes with me. As we are now getting closer to retrieval and embryo transfer, it's hard not to get fixated on what our outcome will be...Will we be pregnant? Will we have to face tough news again? Will we get to be elated to know that we finally have a little life growing and waiting to see us? I don't have the answers to these questions. God knows that it is hard for me not to know the outcome and to feel out of control. I think that is why He gave me these verses this week. How hard it must have been to face death on a cross, to know exactly what you're in for, to know that God tells you, you have to do this. He wants you to be obedient. Even when the answer wasn't what Jesus wanted. He was obedient so that I would one day get to see His glory! I can't say that my struggle here even compares to that--I definitely haven't sweat any blood! It helps me to realize my struggle in perspective. Yes it is hard, but it brings me one step closer to my Lord. It brings me one step closer to being the woman he desires of me. It is one step closer to "Well done my good and faithful servant". And I have no idea what sharing our struggle will do for others. Maybe through it, the Lord will bring someone new to His kingdom, or someone else finds comfort in the fact that they are not alone. I will try to focus in on the eternal outcome rather than this one event's outcome.

Whew, now that that's out there, here's the skinny on where we are. We went to the doctor bright and early this morning. My estradiol is still rising and looks good. The ultrasound showed 9-10 follicles. We are switching to Menopur tonight instead of Follistim. Then we go back in tomorrow to get checked again. Dr.Wilshire is predicting a Monday retrieval. I guess we'll find out tomorrow. Here's hopin' and prayin'!