Anyway, in the book she has a section called "Burden Bearers". This is for people reading the book in effort to support a friend or family member facing infertility, miscarriage or adoption loss. Reading them is interesting.... I don't always agree with everything put in there, I find some of it to be more an issue of being overly sensitive. But today, one of the chapters really hit home for me. I wanted to share it with you. However, I want to preface it by saying: please know if you have said or done anything written in this, there is grace from us. We realize you too are in a difficult situation--you have no idea what to say to us. We are not upset with anyone and are over anything you might have said to us in effort to find words of comfort for us. Please do not take it personally! Anyway, so here it is, Chp. 10 Burden Bearers:
"Most fertility-related issues are medical problems, often entailing many complex issues. Infertility causes stress, but it is extremely rare for stress to be the sole cause of infertility. "Relaxing" will not cure endometriosis, open blocked fallopian tubes,enable deformed sperm to fertilize an egg, compensate for hormonal imbalances linked to recurrent miscarriage, or change my odds of carrying a child with genetic defects.
Don't suggest that my infertility will be resolved if I "just adopt." Adoption may (or may not) be a part of God's plans for us, but both infertility and adoption are issues we need to work through one step at a time. A healthy period of grieving for the biological child we may never have may be needed before we are ready to even consider adoption. And while I'm sure you know someone who adopted and then got pregnant, statistically, adoption does not increase my chances of future pregnancy.
Please do not offer advice unless I ask you for it. I have probably already heard about (and tried) boxer shorts, vacation, and sexual techniques to improve our chances of conception."
It goes on a little bit about opinions, but I felt it worded a little harshly and take the liberty of stopping here. Again I pray you do not read in any bitterness and that you are not made selfconscious of previous statements. I actually chuckled as I was reading this. People, especially acquaintances,have a tendancy to say these in effort to help and we know that. I just thought it was funny that others face this besides us and I thought it was worded well and clearly. I hope that you can have a giggle with me!
2 comments:
Amy, Thank you for sharing so openly in your blog. We wonder how you are doing. It is so difficult to even talk about it, even for us. I often cry for the hurts both of you are feeling. I am thankful for the book you are reading and the part you have shared. I also have been told those statements lately and become very angry when people say any of those, especially the one about just adopt and then they will get p.g. I think this book had worded it very well. No that does not always happen!!! I wish I were there to hold you and let you know I love you both and pray every day for this pain. God is faithful and he will comfort you for me. We love you both.
It sound like the wii is a great gift. Wish we were there to play it with you. Hope to see you the day after christmas. Love Vicki
Amy, Thanks for sharing your heart. I know where you are coming from. The three years God kept telling us no, so many people told us to "relax." I was so frustrated because I was being pumped with meds, attending Dr appt's 2 times a month, and still no results...."yeah you try relaxing :) Friend, you tell God how you are feeling, He already knows and loves that you are being so vulnerable. We will continue to pray for you.
Em (from my mom's acct)
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