Faith vs. Fertility

So how do you deal with fertility issues in light of faith? For those of you who do not know it, when it comes to dealing with infertility and treatment, it is quite controversial among Christians. We have close personal friends who are struggling through these very issues as well. It is a HUGE deal. Chris and I are in the unique situation of struggling with infertility and trying to do it in way that will glorify God. There are lots of thoughts out there, but this is to share with you our journey and how we got to where we are today. I hope and pray that this brings you to a better understanding of God, us, and the fertility process.

First let me start out by saying that struggling with infertility is hard no matter who you are. It can rip marriages apart, cause deep depression, and make you feel alone, defective, unacceptable and somehow less human. Add to that a friends and/or family who choose to criticize the path you choose to take (I believe mostly because they are uneducated), and it can be extremely hurtful. Fortunately for us, our families and the majority of our friends have been very supportive. We are thankful for this challenge God has given us. For Chris and me, it has strengthened our marriage, by the grace of God, and grown us spiritually. Thankfully, we have the promises God on our side and the Holy Spirit to guide us!

So if this is such a huge deal, you may ask where do you stand and what have you decided to do? I will answer the latter first. We chose treatment and have been walking through this process for almost 2 years now, seeing our RE (reproductive endocrinologist) for a little over a year. God is pro-medicine—“Stop drinking only water, and use a little wine because of your stomach and your frequent illnesses”. Here wine is used as a medicine. If you were sick and needed antibiotics or surgery for an appendicitis, you would seek treatment. Our fertility treatments fall in the same category. We have a medical problem, we see a doctor for it. We started with clomid and IUI (intrauterine insemination). This proved to be a poor option as clomid had the exact opposite effect on my hormones that it should have. Next, we went on to injectable medicine and IUI. We did this for 3 cycles and were obviously unsuccessful. Which brings me to where we are now—IVF (in vitro fertilization). IVF is where most Christians have the most problems. Each step of the way we have prayfully, scripturally and with godly counsel considered what is acceptable to God and what is not. If you look through the Bible for IVF, there isn’t any scripture addressing it directly so you have to look at the big issues within IVF. Believe it or not, God has a lot to say about them.

First, women/couples that are barren are the exception in the Bible. Here’s a little factoid in today’s terms for you: 1 in 5 couples struggle with infertility. That’s 20% of couples, it’s the exception. Next, all the women in the Bible who were barren, God opened their womb after lots of prayer and petition from the women themselves! How much more is God glorified in the midst of struggle?! So when a couple seeks treatment and is able to conceive, it is that much more a miracle and testimony for God!

Second, is it God’s will for us to have children? Absolutely, in fact it is both a command and a promise. Starting in Genesis 1:28, "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number'" when talking to Adam and Eve in the garden. Of course this is before The Fall, when our bodies functioned perfectly, just as God designed them. Unfortunately, after The Fall sickness entered the picture as a result of the Enemy. So when our bodies don’t function as they should, this includes our reproductive organs, this is not of God. Luckily we serve a God who is the Great Healer! One of my favorite verses in reference to this is: "My light shall break forth like the morning and my healing (my restoration and the power of a new life) shall spring forth speedily" Isaiah 58:8 (Amplified Bible).

So what are the promises God gives us about children?

“Worship the LORD your God, and his blessing will be on your food and water. I will take away sickness from among you, and none will miscarry or be barren in your land. I will give you a full life span.” Exodus 23:25-26

“If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them, then the Lord your God will keep his covenant of love with you as he swore to your forefathers. He will love you and bless you and increase your numbers. …You will be blessed more than any other people; none of your men or women will be childless, nor any of your livestock without young.” Deuteronomy 7:12-13,14

"The fruit of your womb will be blessed, and the crops of your land and the young of your livestock--the calves of your herds and lambs of your flocks." Deuteronomy 28:4

"Your wife will be like a fruitful vine within your house; your sons will be like olive shoots around your table." Psalms 128:3

“He settles the barren woman in her home as a happy mother of children. Praise the Lord.” Psalm 113:9

According to the scripture, we have every hope that we will have children as long as we are seeking after the Lord wholeheartedly. How generous is our God! In the midst of our struggle, we rely on what God promises. When our faith is challenged, we go back to these promises. The hardest part is not, believing the promise, but having the faith that God will fulfill it despite all the circumstances against us. "Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1. It is in our nature to doubt, but we combat that with the Word of God. God says this of our faith:

"I tell you the truth, if anyone says to this mountain, 'Go throw yourself in to the sea, and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it will be done for him. Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:23-24

Now, I don’t know about you, but having babies seems a lot easier that throwing mountains in the sea! It is easy to get caught up the fertility process and feel lost. This is because it is so hard to believe that you will come out on the other side of this with a child—doubt. God says, "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind" James 1:6. As we depend on God, we believe in faith that His Word will not return empty (Isaiah 55:11). We believe God promises children, but He never promised how we will get there.

Ahh, the controversy… IVF--“Isn’t that playing God?” Now, I will tell you that I struggled with this question more than Chris did. Out of everything, this was the single question that would have stopped me from pursuing IVF. It took me a month of prayer and seeking godly counsel to get where I am now. It’s funny looking back on it now because the question in and of itself is an oxymoron. If you believe that God is in control over everything, that He truly is sovereign over all, can we really “play God”? Absolutely not! See in each step of IVF God has to will it to happen for us to be successful. God has given medical science the knowledge and technology for IVF. God has blessed our doctor with the skills to perform IVF and help us. He (the doctor) only helps us bypass some of the obstacles. Just because they put an egg and sperm in a petri dish does not mean it will fertilize, God has to do that. Just because the egg fertilizes doesn’t mean it will continue to grow, God has to do that. Just because they transfer the embryo to my uterus doesn’t mean that it will implant, God has to do that. Just because the embryo implants in my uterus doesn’t mean I will carry a child to term, God has to do that. Neither the doctor, the nurse, Chris nor I can make all of those nuances line up perfectly to have a baby. We have absolutely NO power over the outcome! It is all in God’s hands!

Lastly, there is the question of what to do with any extra embryos (this is assuming there are embryos that you choose not to transfer). This is particularly problematic for Christians. As Christians we believe that life begins at conception. God is very much pro-life so it is important not to disregard the sanctity of life. Luckily we don’t have to! IF there are embryos that we choose not to transfer, we can freeze them and transfer them at a later date. This is wonderful because if for some reason the embryos we did transfer did not take, we do not have to go through the entire process all over again. Also, if we want to have another baby in a few years, we could also transfer the embryos then. The other option is that we can freeze them and donate them to other couples who may not be able to afford the in vitro process but still want to be pregnant. It’s like a form of adoption. In neither option are we destroying the embryos or donating them to research (this would ultimately be destroying life here too). All in all, it’s a win-win situation.

With all the trouble and controversy, many people say why not just adopt? The truth is we want to do that as well. I have always had a heart to adopt a child from overseas. We do not believe it has to be either/or, why not both! Actually, our whole fertility journey started in the midst of pursuing international adoption. Okay then, why not adopt first (and maybe you’ll get pregnant)? This is really a whole other blog entry, but here’s the short version. As we started seriously pursuing adoption internationally, we found out more and more about the different countries and their requirements during the adoption procedure. As it turns out, if we were to get pregnant while trying to adopt we would forfeit a potential child and lose a lot of money in the process. Also, international adoption takes on average 1-3 years. With our fertility issues, the longer we wait the harder the process becomes. After much prayer, we decided to reverse the order in which we would start our family. We strongly believe in adoption, whether domestic or international. There is no greater display of God’s love for His children than adoption and providing a safe, loving home!

We truly believe that it is God’s plan for us to have our own children as well as adopt. We are so thankful for the support of our friends and family! We are thankful that you have chosen to keep up with us and read about our journey. Whatever your thoughts on IVF, we pray that reading this you have come to a better understanding of God, us and the fertility process. If you do not know our Lord and Savior, I pray that you will seek Him out! He is the source of all our joy! We pray blessings for each and every one of you!